Leaving Home
by BlackBear53
Summary: Callen comes home after three months undercover. His wife, Sara, tells him she's pregnant with their second child. He doesn't take it well. No I don't own LA (sigh). I wish I did. Thank you to Shane Brennan for creating characters that are fun to play with. He'll be home before curfew, I promise.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: When August comes around it will be three years since my first story, The Bench, was posted. There are a few more storylines that grew from it and some have been posted but some still languish on the shelf collecting dust motes. This is one of them. I wrote and posted Time to Think as a one-shot but a precocious professor made me look at it as more. She made me see it more like an examination of Callen's emotions and his ability to process how everyday people live with their own emotions and how they work together as couples not as lone wolves. I hope I've given him the ability to eventually have faith in Sara and his team mates as support and people who love him. In advance of you taking time to reading 'thank you'. BlackBear53

 **Leaving Home**

 **Opening Salvo**

Chapter 1

I had walked through the door to a wonderful homecoming last night and now it was time to leave. I'd come home to a house full of love, happiness and laughter, and truly enjoyed spending time with my ladies, but I couldn't stay now. I felt angry, bewildered and betrayed. I needed to go.

I answered the door when Sam arrived and just by looking at his face I knew that he wanted to talk me out of what I was doing. I needed time and being here in my own home wasn't helping. Sara turned the corner, walked out of the kitchen into the living room and found us just as Sam opened his mouth to speak but instead of trying to head me off, Sam offered to take Gretchen out to the back yard and play so that I could speak with my wife. As Sara's gaze panned over me she noticed my duffle bag and bedroll sitting on the floor by the door. Knowing that I hadn't used them in years, it seemed to shock and dismay her. She obviously thought that I had a new assignment and it gnawed at me that she couldn't see how angry and upset I was.

Sara had happily told me last night that she was about four months pregnant with our second child. That might have been something I would have wanted to know a lot earlier. When I asked her why she hadn't let me know she expressed her feelings of wanting to share that information with me personally, not through an intermediary, like Hetty. She felt that it would have put me in danger because I would be thinking of her and the baby and not my job or my own safety. She might be right but that should've been my decision, not hers. Gretchen and Sara mean the world to me and so will this new baby, but to not tell me after I missed most of Gretchen's pregnancy, seemed heartless. I was infuriated and I wanted to strike out, not physically, but I did end up doing it emotionally. At the moment I felt I couldn't trust her and with those thoughts I reverted back to my own childhood. That lack of trust that I had lived with during most of my youth couldn't be fixed and I couldn't see how to fix this either. I needed to go, think about our life together and figure out how to deal with my confusion and the resulting fury I felt.

She asked where I was going, was it work related? I said the one thing that I knew would irritate her the most. "No, I need time to think." I heard the acid in my voice and saw the pain in her eyes and while I didn't truly relish inflicting that pain, she needed to understand what I felt at that moment. She stepped back to regroup but I just kept coming. "I need time to think about our marriage and how you could keep this from me."

When she asked what this was really about I couldn't answer at first. I looked her in the eye and seethed inside at what I thought of then as her secretive behavior. In turn I had to make sure of what I needed, so I responded with the only real thing on my mind. "In all reality… trust." I knew exactly where her mind would go and it did. I also knew that she'd be devastated by my lack of trust in her and I used it to cause her pain. She believed that I thought she got pregnant elsewhere. I never for one minute thought that. I knew she'd never do that, but trust is a funny word. It conjures up so many images in a person's mind. "You kept this from me, I had a right to know and make the decision to come home or stay undercover on my own. I didn't need you or anyone else to protect me."

I could feel my fury mounting as the moments passed. All I wanted was to pick up my bags and walk out but she wasn't done yet and while I didn't realize it at that moment, neither was I. At that point I asked for the other reality from her, total honesty. It jolted her. I cut her to the quick with that remark. As I look back on it I felt her pain and her essence crying out. I know now that it was selfish but I just couldn't let my own pain go.

With the heartache and pain I was feeling, she needed to understand where I came from. It wasn't just not being told about the new baby, but the operation we'd just run had an odd twist to it that left me feeling exposed. It had become more personal for me so I started to tell her about it. I told her how Sam and I had caught the bomber we'd been after but we hadn't known about a second one, one who aimed not at public venues but a private one.

Sara stood across from me aghast. She thought that I'd lost my mind and screamed at me. "What on Earth has this to do with us?"

I hadn't wanted to tell her and I'm sure the look on my face darkened the more she spoke, for I knew my mood had. She left me no choice but to tell her. "She came into our home, our kitchen and she meant to hurt my family. The same family you didn't think would need protection. This is why this is so important to me. I wasn't here to protect you." I know that she didn't know how this woman meant to blow up my house, my family and in the process destroy what would have been left of me. But I hoped with time she'd understand how devastating that would have been for me.

Sara crossed the room and put her hand on my cheek. She'd done it once before when I went to find her in Rhode Island. I removed it then so that I could help her sit up. I removed it now because it was lessening my determination to leave. I wanted to scoop her and Gretchen up, slip out the back gate and move away from Los Angeles. I just couldn't do it feeling the way I did so I took her hand away. I hated myself for that. I turned from her and emotionally pushed her away from me by using the last painful remark I had. "I need time to think about us."

Sara blew up. "What is it that you have to think about? Is it how to deal with the fact that someone cares this much about you? What it means to be part of a family? What it really felt like to have someone protect and love you?"

Those were all damn good questions and they were what kept me thinking for the next two months that we lived apart.

With those words ringing in my ears I picked up my bedroll and duffle bag and walked out the front door. I speed dialed my partner and waited in the car realizing that he was going to give me hell all the way to work. I thought about a way to shut him down at least for the ride to work.

A moment later Sam came through the front door and strode to the car. The look on his face was concern and anger.

I sensed the riot act that he was about to drop on me and I stopped it before it could start. "I don't want to talk about this now."

Sam, incredulous, wouldn't let it drop. "You just walked out on your wife and daughter. We just came home last night for the first time in three months and this happens? What's going on G?"

With my jaw set and staring straight ahead Sam knew he'd learn nothing here and now. I'd bet that he thought that maybe later I'd tell him.

Sam turned the key and started the car. As we drove to the mission I'm sure Sam kept seeing the stricken face of my wife. He also knew that as far as stubborn went both Sara and I were evenly matched. We would both need help and as soon as he had a free moment he'd call Michelle and then talk to Hetty. When we arrived at the mission Sam tried one more time. He grabbed my left arm as I moved to leave the vehicle. "G, talk to me."

I looked down at his hand, shook my head no while gritting my teeth, got out of the car without saying a word and went into the building leaving him sitting there steaming and worrying.

I'm sure that Sam just sat thinking about how to help the man who he thought of as a brother and I knew that he had nothing at that moment.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N - Most of you think that Callen is a spoiled child, selfish and all about himself. Good! That just means I've evoked feelings about what he's done. Don't give up on the story. Wait and see how he evolves. There will be pain for him and Sara, but Callen will grow from this. Just remember where he came from.

BB53

Chapter 2

As Sam came around the corner into the bullpen, I sat looking at a memo that Hetty had left on my desk earlier that morning.

I smirked for the first time since Sam picked me up this morning. "Well it seems we need to take inventory in the armory. Hetty wants me to delegate the job." I looked up at Sam and I knew what came next. "I'll do it myself." Sam's face dropped.

Sam watched my discomfort unfold. "Why G? Let someone else do it. You've got other, more important things to do."

My smirk grew to a full-fledged smile. "What would that be, talking to you?" My smile left my face and I snarled at my partner. "Not. Now. Sam." What I saw as his interference irritated me and I couldn't stop myself from fuming, so I got up and marched off to the armory to do the inventory. I knew he watched my back as I left the bullpen and I felt two things; one satisfaction that I could think about my problem alone for a while, second, I knew he wanted to help me but he couldn't. His remarks would be to fix it. I want to do that but at this time I don't know how.

Sam knew that under my smirks and smiles there was pain, lots of it. I know that he wanted to be the one to help me and he did help some, but there was another who helped more, but that's for later in my story.

While I was in the armory Deeks and Kensi came in with their coffee and bags of breakfast goodies: donuts and such. I find it ironic that they choose to pick apart my breakfast choices when theirs left so much to be desired. It's not my job to take care of them today.

It wasn't that long ago that they'd found their feelings for each other after years of denying it and their romance looked good on them. An office romance can be dicey and in our line of work down-right dangerous. It can get you killed. But it didn't seem to bother them. They left the lovey-dovey stuff outside the door and became all business upon entering the mission. Sam had been concerned about it but trusted the two of them to work out any issues they had or to come to us to help them. I'm sure that Sam felt the same about me right now and he hoped that I kept my head in the game.

I looked back on Sara's and my relationship. Much of it happened because of my job. I fell in love with her because of my job. I spent a month living with her and then sent her back home to Connecticut because the Comescus were targeting both her and me. I went under for six months to take care of that problem. When I came back she told me about being pregnant with Gretchen. I missed so much in that time away and while there'd been other undercover missions, this one was hard on me. I'd known she wasn't feeling well when I went under but didn't put two and two together. I was gone three months and so much could have happened and almost did.

Because I was under, my family had been moved to a safe house. This time it paid off. I'd met a woman at the grocery store while shopping for snacks on my way to my undercover home and we'd struck up a conversation and chatted for a while. I began to find her there more and more often when I went to the market. I knew that she'd begun to stalk me and that meant trouble. I tried breaking away from the acquaintance if that is what you want to call it. I began using a different grocer. She showed up there as well and I knew that meant there could be repercussions. I tried being nice and told her I had a wife and daughter and that she'd have to leave me alone. She didn't take it well but I'd thought it was over. I never saw her after that day, until recently.

The op that Sam and I were on should have been cut and dried. We'd infiltrate, flush them out and take them down. We did that but found there was another angle to the bomb making. The bomb maker had made a simple bomb for a woman. He didn't know why but being a cautious man he'd taken pictures of all of his clientele over the years. He took us through them and when I saw the woman from the grocery store an eerie feeling began to eat at me. The bomb maker told us that the woman had taken possession of the device and would be planting it soon. Sam and I took off and called Deeks and Kensi to met us at my house. When we arrived she was there setting up her device.

Once again my family was in danger because of me. The Comescus almost took Sara and my daughter while they were in Rhode Island and now this woman had almost killed them because of me. I didn't feel real good about myself at that moment. I talked with her for a good twenty minutes before she flipped out, screaming at me and stating that if she couldn't have me no one would. Then she started the timer on the bomb, setting it on the counter. Deeks looked to me before he shot her and Sam disarmed the bomb. It was a wake-up call for me. I wanted to hold my wife and daughter so badly and I would that night. Sam and I were going home.

I would take a long time counting inventory in the armory today but it was exactly what I needed. It needed the time to clear my head and think about nothing at all except my marriage and my reaction to being a member of a family, but what I would do right at this moment was just focus on the objects that needed counting. Maybe then I could start to put my life and marriage back together which is what I really wanted to do.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I want to thank all the readers who have given me their honest opinion of this story. I have to admit it may not be everyone's cup of tea. Thank you for reading anyhow. I would like to thank Knirbenrots, Petunia3116, jonesdeer88, elsje1967 and jillyjwh, and my guest, for reviewing, following and/or favoriting this story. It means the world to me.

Chapter 3

Sam's POV

As G walked away from me in the bullpen I felt as if he'd gone lone wolf again, only this time he'd stay within the mission. I have to admit to being extremely worried about him. I knew he felt he'd done something to bring down some kind of evil upon his family yet again. The decision to walk out on his wife and daughter could go two ways. He'd divorce Sara because he loved both her and Gretchen so much and wanted to protect them or he'd get himself killed because all of whatever bothered him would hang on his mind, torturing him. I needed to help him think clearly on this one. I know what having a family means and how important it is to keep them safe. It's a fine line we walk in this business. If it didn't straighten itself out soon I coukd foresee Hetty calling Nate back from wherever he currently is and I honestly hoped she'd do it. As a matter of fact I'm going to talk to her about it.

I sat back in my chair gazing across at my partner's desk and wondered what would make G leave his wife and daughter. I knew the bomber setting her bomb in his kitchen hit him hard, real hard. What could have affected his partner so adversely that he'd leave Sara and Gretchen? The importance of family had always been foremost with his partner. He'd hunted for years only to find out his sister had drowned when she was eleven, his mother had been gunned down on a beach in Romania and his father was still a mystery living somewhere in Russia. Having a wife and daughter had taught him about family and gave him the stability he desperately needed or so I thought. Now something threatened it.

Deeks and Kensi had just come through the front door of the mission. They bumped hips and shoulders and laughed at whatever the two of them laugh at, all the way down the hallway. The sounds they were making had a grating effect on me this morning and I knew it only affected me that way because of my worries for Callen. Normally it didn't bother me all that much. I fell deeper into my thoughts about my partner and his problems.

Both of them smiled at me as they dropped their bags and sat at their desks with their donuts and cups of coffee.

Kensi smiled across the bullpen at me. "Morning Sam! Did you have breakfast? I have extra donuts." She shook the bag at me. She knew they were safe because I wouldn't eat a donut if my life depended on it.

Kensi took out one of her donuts, opened the lip of her coffee and took a sip. She looked around the bullpen and spied Callen's bag by his desk. "Where's Callen? I'm missing the dissertation on my choice of breakfast foods." She chuckled at this.

Deeks looked up smiling while acknowledging the question his partner asked. "Yeah, where is our esteemed leader and his lecture?"

I just shrugged and answered the question with as little information as I could. "He's in the armory doing the monthly inventory. Hetty told him to give the job to someone but he didn't want to delegate today." I gave a small smile and a dry chuckle hoping to divert their questions with a small attempt at humor.

Deeks turned his chair to face me. He wore one of his beaming smiles but I saw concern in those eyes. "What? That's his least favorite chore on the planet. He usually foists it off on Jimmy Friedlander who loves to do paperwork."

I smiled at that notion and it happened to be true but it didn't change the fact that G was in the armory thinking and we were out here worrying. I wondered how long this would last. "True, but G just needs the time to himself."

Kensi watched my face and later she said the crease lines around my eyes told her there was more to the story. She shook her long brown locks and looked to the armory. "Wait…G is using this time to process something, like what? Is it work related?" A look of panic went across her face as she returned her gaze to me. "He's not leaving is he?" She knew that issue plagued us constantly.

Deeks thought briefly about the subject. "Wait a minute? He doesn't process issues, he internalizes them and then we never know what's going on with him. He does not share."

Kensi turned her mismatched eyes back to me. "What's going on Sam? How can we help him?"

My comfort level with this conversation was not great, far from it, but these two had the right to know that something would be off. "No, he's not leaving us as far as I know and I don't think we can help him right now. Listen, it's not my story to tell, even if I knew what it was. But so that you both know, it may make working with him a bit more difficult in the up and coming weeks, and, even if I did know, I wouldn't tell you, but do me a favor, don't ask questions of him because if I know him, you'll get no answers. He'll just go deeper and I need him in the here and now." I met their gazes which asked so many questions that there were no answers to currently. "Oh, and he will be living at the boatshed for the time being."

That apparently shook Kensi so much that she stood up and started towards the armory to check on her big brother. She motioned to not be followed.

I opened my mouth to stop her when Eric whistled for us. "Kensi, I'll get G, you two head up to OPS." I knew this was going to be awkward and I'd have to watch my brother's back even more than usual.

I walked into the armory and Callen had most of the hand guns on the table to check their serial numbers. This would be a long check because of the sheer number of weapons that NCIS had for our use.

Callen looked up as I entered and sneered. "What now Sam?"

The air in the armory seemed crisp to me, almost frosty. I put my hands up as if to surrender. "Whoa Big Fella…we have a case. Eric just called down. I've sent Deeks and Kensi up. What do you want to do?"

Callen shook his head. "I'd be no good to you out there today. Do it without me. If you need help let me know."

I nodded and agreed that maybe it was a good idea to leave him back here. Hetty wouldn't like it but she might be able to give him counsel, because Lord knows he's not listening to me. I gave him another nod, pivoted and walked back out of the armory and up to OPS.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks again for the kind reviews countrygirluk and Petunia3116. Our agent is finding out that maybe he jumped too soon.

Chapter IV

I'd called Sara earlier in the day to ask if I could come to dinner with them tonight. It was Friday and if things went well maybe we could spend Saturday at the beach or take a drive somewhere. When Sara said yes I quickly began to clear my desk and calendar and waited for Hetty to finish her phone call. She finished and I started toward her office.

As I approached her office I sensed her attention as it shifted from her phone and computer to me. She looked up, closed the laptop, and motioned for me to sit opposite her as she pushed a cup of tea towards me. She'd expected me. I hate when she knows what I'm going to do before I do and I've often wondered how she does that.

As I sat she looked me over head to toe. It makes me nervous and it always has but she knows that and doesn't care. "What's going on Mr. Callen? Ever since you went home after the bombing operation you've not been yourself. Mr. Hanna is worried as well. Didn't you tell him what's bothering you?"

I was surprised that she really didn't know. Maybe she did and needed to hear me say it but it never pays to assume anything with Hetty. "Sara and I have had a difference of opinion about my safety and who gets to decide that. I want to go to dinner with them tonight so may I leave early?" I tried to say as little as I could to my boss but she wasn't buying it.

Her face gave way to the doubt she had about the veracity of my statement. "Are you sure that is all? It seems like such a small thing. I don't understand why you're so worked up over this and I definitely don't see a reason to move into the boatshed." When my eyes came up in surprise she continued. "You didn't think I knew this?" She nodded to herself and by extension to me. "You should resolve this quickly Mr. Callen. Your mind is not on the job and I need that, not just for NCIS, but for you and your family as well. Sam needs a partner who is emotionally there as well."

I took the tea cup into my large hands and inhaled the aroma from the small vessel. The aroma told me a great deal about the woman sitting across from me. First of all she's worried and second of all and most importantly, this was out of her control. Hetty always wants to be in control of a situation but if the situation concerns me it is extremely important that she remain on top of it. She didn't like this one bit. "Hetty, I'm trying to fix this. There are a few things that Sara and I need to discuss and we will. I'd like to leave early to see if that could be arranged."

Hetty nodded her approval. "You can leave at five, will that be early enough?"

I smiled and she knew what that meant. "Of course it is Hetty. It will give me time to clean up and head out. Thank you." I put the teacup back on the table and rose to leave.

Her agenda was not complete though and she motioned for me to take my seat again. I sat back down. She wanted me to see how much my family mattered to her as well. "Mr. Callen, I don't know what's going on, and I'm sure that when you're ready you'll tell me. I enjoy the fact that you are content and have a family. I don't want that jeopardized. Fix this problem and quickly. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news because you couldn't think straight when you needed to." She reopened her laptop and I felt the non-verbal dismissal. I finished my tea and set the cup back down on its saucer, turned and began the walk back to my desk.

Sam came in from the armory and acknowledged me with a nod. "What's going on? What's up with Hetty?"

I sat at my desk and thought about how I wanted this evening to go. "I asked to leave early. I'm having dinner with Sara and Gretchen tonight so she gave me the okay to leave at five. There was a quid pro quo though. She asked that I 'fix' this as quickly as possible."

Sam looked up from his computer and across the bullpen to look at me. He took a second longer to ponder his response. "G, you can do this. Go in with flowers, be as loving as you can be and by all means listen to her. Take your time with this. You weren't the only one who was angry that day, remember that. You managed to piss her off and if you don't want to lose her, figure out a way to make it right."

I sat there incredulous to what I heard. I thought he'd at least back me up. "Sam, don't my feeling come into play here? I feel that she kept something from me that I needed to know and not only that but she kept it from me for three months. It's my responsibility to protect them, not her protecting me."

Sam crossed his arms over his chest. He was digging in for a battle and it was one I didn't want to have with him at that moment. I know that in this office he is the 'Pro from Dover' on marriage but still I needed him at my back. "Partner? What are you saying here? That I'm wrong in how I think about this? That I shouldn't be upset that she kept a pregnancy from me, something I just might want to know?"

Sam sat back in his chair and smirked.

I wanted to punch him for that.

"So you're going to be a dad again. Oh man you need to make up soon to that woman. It isn't just anger, its hormones too. You, my friend, are screwed. Man up and admit that you're wrong. You can fix it later. Do it tonight."

The clock on the wall said it was five minutes till five. I stood up, picked up my bag and hesitated. I thought about what he said but there was a part of me that argued with the simplicity of the fix. "I'll think about it on my way. Talk to you tomorrow."

Sam's reaction was simple. He yelled at my back as I walked towards the opening in the bullpen. "G, do it. Get her back. You both love each other. Fix it."

I nodded and walked out the door past all of my co-workers. I'd think about it as I drove to the boatshed and later, to my house.

One hour later:

I let myself in and walked through the door to a greeting from Gretchen that bowled me over. My nose also went into over drive; I could smell something delicious coming from the kitchen. My mouth began to water. Sara had made my favorite meal: Lasagna. My gaze wandered around the living room and memories flooded back like the tide on the beach. The memories of our first Christmas in the house, the first turkey we made together for that year's Thanksgiving and it made me homesick. The urge to come back home was made even more desperate by seeing my daughter and my lovely wife. I felt a strong need to be back here. I would have to make some amends to Sara and I'd do that this evening, if she'd let me. Maybe Sam was right after all.

Gretchen and I strolled into the kitchen and I watched Sara as she prepared the rest of dinner. She was working on a salad and each of her moves was concise and efficient. She'd made salad like this once before in Rhode Island. She used all my favorite ingredients in the salad; arugula and the little tiny grape tomatoes that I love. She added them as I watched her. She turned to me and I saw love in that look; at least that was still in my favor. As I presented her with the flowers I'd brought her, our hands touched and the initial spark we felt when we met flew between us: another good sign. Sara pulled out a vase and handed it to me. I put Gretchen down and filled the vase, cut the stems and plunked the flowers in. They looked pretty good there.

She motioned to the dining room and started towards it. I followed the delicious smell. On the table were oil and vinegar to dress the salad with and Italian bread with butter and garlic. She'd pulled out all the stops for dinner tonight.

We ate, talked small talk and finished our meal as a family. I thoroughly enjoyed it and wanted it to continue into tomorrow and every day after that.

After dinner Sara shooed us out the back door into the yard while she cleaned up. I wanted to help but she said no. I played with my daughter on the swing and slide that Uncle Sam, Uncle Marty and I had built for her. We were out there for over an hour just playing until Sara joined us for a few minutes more of fun. Bedtime had come and gone but it was a special night for her and it became one of my favorite nights with her. We bathed her and put her to bed. Sara spent another few minutes tucking her in for the night. My heart ached because I missed this so much.

As Sara finished with Gretchen I wandered through the house and stepped out into the yard again. I felt so much remorse for my actions but still felt my feelings were the right ones for me. I didn't know how to fix this. There wouldn't be an easy fix like everyone wanted.

I sat on "our bench." It was the one that we had met on. Hetty had bought it and presented it to us when we married. It's weird to sit here now. It felt like we needed to meet all over again. I'd like to take back the last few days but knew that I couldn't. It's not that easy to do: Too many words were spoken in anger.

I reminisced about how we'd met and chuckled about it. I can't believe that I ever thought of Sara as a gun-runner. Sam and I had been investigating a gun-running operation out of Camp Pendleton, their contact was supposed to be a woman and she'd meet me on a particular bench on Venice Beach. When I arrived Sara had just sat down. I fell in love immediately but pushed it aside after all I had a job to do. While I felt she was innocent I had to prove it which I did and it turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to me. Now, I'd come close to ruining it.

The evening was warm and according to the weathermen the temperatures would keep warming up and then stay steady. We were in for a heat wave that Los Angeles rarely sees. I gazed at the yard that I'd acquired by chance. Hetty found it and purchased it in my name. It had belonged to one of my foster families, the Rostoffs, whom I'd spent the most pleasant four months of my young life with. They were all gone and I'd needed a place to call my own. It was a little presumptuous of Hetty but I thank her for it every day.

Sara touched my arm and gave me a glass of ice water with lemon. It had been one of our favorites and now with her being pregnant it was all she'd be drinking. I'd been so deep in my reverie that she'd come up behind me so quietly that I never heard a thing. She gave me one of her beautiful smiles and gazed down into my eyes. "Here's a penny for your thoughts, sir?"

I patted the seat next to me, the one she'd sat on when we met. The look in her eyes told me the sentiment wasn't lost on her. Sara gazed out at the yard around us and I wondered where her mind had gone. "G, something's been on your mind all night, care to share?"

The tone of her voice didn't hold the warmth that I'd expected so I started to speak with trepidation. I looked into her eyes and felt my heart drop. The look of love that I'd seen earlier had disappeared and instead there was consternation, indecision and maybe a bit of anger in them, but I trudged on anyway not paying attention to the look on her face. "I want us back together." I'd said it and the reaction was anything but what I'd hoped for. I saw surprise and more anger. "Why so surprised? I miss you both so much and I want to come home."

Sara's eyes blazed. "You walked out the front door three days ago and never looked back to see what chaos it created. Why? I still don't understand it. You never once took what I said into consideration. My feelings weren't important, so are they now? Your anger at what you consider my deception had more importance than your family, why is that? Have you even thought about that yet? I'm sorry that you felt left out but I wanted you safe, period. When you leave, take the bag by the door." She left me sitting on the bench and went into the house.

I'm not sure what I felt at that moment other than extreme loss. I didn't know how to deal with this. The sledgehammer that just hit me left me reeling. I sat in my yard and knew I had to do something but what? I brought my glass into the kitchen, emptied it, put it in the dishwasher and turned to leave.

Sara stood in the doorway. "G, I want this to work out but until you can see me as an equal…" A tear rolled down her cheek. I walked to her and put my arms out. She came into my arms and I rested my head on hers. I held her for a few minutes remembering all the moments that we held each other and all the tenderness that we'd experienced. Then did the most stupid thing I'd ever done, I tried to kiss her. Her hand came up to my chest, she took two steps back, never saying a word, but her actions stopped me cold. "It's time for you to leave G." She pulled herself away from me and walked down the hall to our bedroom. She was right. It was time to leave. I picked up the bag by the door and let myself out.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I've been away from home and am still traveling so my posting has been slowed due to lack of internet. Sorry for the delay. Please keep reading it will get better. I promise. Thank you to countrygirluk for the beautiful review. Just keep remembering who are boy is and where he came from. Thanks again.

It had been a long a grueling day at the office. We were one man down due to Deeks being called back to LAPD for meetings to clarify information for a trial that he needed to testify for. I understood making it an air tight case so I didn't begrudge him the time. We never left the mission until almost seven that night and the paper work would wait until the morning. Hetty had let us go with the admonition to be in early to do the dreaded stuff.

I let myself into the boatshed after stopping for some Thai takeout. I didn't turn all the lights on because I wanted to step out on the dock with a beer and eat out there. Didn't seem like a bad idea. I reached into the refrigerator and a rustling noise behind me made me turn. Sitting on the couch was Deeks. "What's going on Deeks?" I'll never admit to him that he'd made me jump.

Marty sat there looking at me. "Drinking on a school night?" He shook his finger at me like I was a wayward child. "What's the occasion?"

I didn't really feel like company. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. It had been a couple of weeks since I'd left home and Sara had read me the riot act about wanting to come home after leaving like I did. I needed to get inside my own head, but here was Deeks. "I'm having a beer with my dinner, is that so terrible? I have a few more would you like one?"

Deeks eyed me. It felt like he didn't believe me. Well it sucks to be him. He gave me one of those looks that can tell you off but leave him seemingly polite. "Sure, I'll have one. Sorry about not being around today. How'd the day go anyway? Did we get a new case?"

I chuckled and reached into the fridge for the two beers, one for me and one for him. I opened the two and brought them over to the couch area and went back for my dinner. I silently asked if I could share with him but he shook me off. I opened the take out and started eating. Marty took a sip of his beer and the unspoken word hung in the air like wood smoke. "We pulled a case this morning and finished it about six. By the time we got back to the office Hetty was ready for us to leave. I take it you've not seen Kensi yet?"

Deeks still didn't say a lot. "No I haven't been to her place yet. She's not expecting me for a while. I called and told her I was stopping here." I could tell that the conversation would be difficult for him. He gazed over my shoulder out the window to the bay. It was like he was making a decision as to what to say to me. "Sara called Kensi earlier this week and it didn't sound good. You want to talk about it, get it out. I'm a good listener."

Tomorrow night is dinner night with Gretchen and Sara and I so wanted to be able to come to terms with my feelings about how to move on with our lives. The answers were not forthcoming. Maybe a talk with Deeks would help. The conversation I had with Sam didn't work. He told me to man up and go home. I think that he meant more but that was the way it came out. "The mission that we just finished, the bomber one, it freaked me out and I let that color my reaction to the pregnancy news."

Deeks gave a smirk and a chuckle. "Kensi and I didn't know she was pregnant but it makes better sense now. I couldn't understand why you'd walk but now I do."

Marty sat across from me and waited for me to continue. I wasn't sure how to explain my problem to him but he wanted to help so I went on. "I'm admitting that I'm being a jerk. I walked out on them because I want to be the protector in the house and couldn't accept Sara watching out for me. It turned out that I couldn't be there to keep them safe and it ate at me. When I found out she was expecting again I fell off the deep end. You were there. You saw that woman try to blow up my house. You shot her in my kitchen." I stopped talking and walked to the back door of the boatshed. I opened it and stood there to get some air.

Deeks came to stand with me. "You okay G?"

I answered the best I could. "Every time I go in that room I see her and her device on the counter and it makes me feel insignificant. I couldn't stop her without you and Sam. I could have lost my home, my wife and my children with one push of her button. If she had taken my family she'd have left me an empty shell and it would have destroyed me." I moved out onto the dock and looked across the bay. "I expected Sara to cave to my wants and needs, desires and expectations. That is not the Sara I married, I love her for her strengths."

Deeks stood against the railing and said nothing. He took a sip of his beer and waited for me to continue. When I didn't he turned to face the water. "Okay G, now that the two of you are expecting another baby it is more important than ever that you get back together. Why do you think you can't do this?"

I wandered back into the boatshed and sat down to finish my meal. I sat and thought about how to answer his question. I ate and he watched the boats going by. It wasn't a very long wait. I took two long sips of my beer and decided to talk. "I left the house angry. I never looked back at the chaos that I might have created by leaving that void. My life has never been about sharing. I've always been alone, never trusted anyone to have my back and I've never even seen the better side of life, until recently." I stopped to gather a few more thoughts. As I gazed around the boatshed at all the items the team placed there together and at the man across from me I started to see what Sara had meant by her parting questions to me. "In the last four or five years I began to share a life like others do. I love my family, not just my wife and children, but my family here. I just find myself sliding back into that dark hole that used to be my life. Losing my wife, children, Sam and you would have taken me to a really dark place and I don't know if I'd come back from it. There isn't much in life that scares me, but that does."

Deeks walked to the fridge and got a bottle of water. I'm sure he has his own darkness to battle but he was listening to my battle and someday it would be his turn to need help. "Callen you can't keep this bottled up inside, you need to share this with your wife. You both need to decide how to deal with this before it tears the two of you apart or worse yet, gets you killed."

I had to admit he had that right. "There had been times when I missed things and Sam or Kensi had picked up on it. It had happened in the case just today. I could have got us all killed. "Deeks, you're right. I need to explain this to her. Maybe she'll understand how I feel about this."

Deeks smiled his crooked smile. "Another word of wisdom my brother, listen to her as well. You married her for her brains and her beauty. She's a strong woman. She proved that in Rhode Island, remember that. Give it some thought. Taking the water and heading out. If you need me, call. Good night."

I gave a smirk to his back as he walked to the door. "Good night Deeks."

He waved back over his shoulder as the door closed on him.

I walked out onto the dock and watched as life floated by. Big tankers heading out to open water, small tugs bringing help to others. I knew I needed to talk to Sara and had to do it soon.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Being on vacation is supposed to give you time to write. I've not written a darn thing in the last two weeks but in my quiet time I get to edit so you get to read. Callen has turned a corner in this story.

Leaving Home Chapter 6

I called Sara on Thursday evening after returning to the boatshed. It had been a busy week with back to back cases. I desperately needed some toaster time to decompress. Sara and I agreed for me to come over after work on Friday and I'd bring pizzas. The rising temperatures must have been getting too much for her and I was more than happy to bring dinner in hopes that it made up for my past indiscretion. It'd been a month since I walked out of our home and I hoped for a chance to talk about it, maybe even get her to see my side of the argument.

When I arrived, carrying two pizzas and a six-pack of beer, Gretchen met me with a whoop that I'm sure San Diego could hear. I put the pizzas on the table and picked up my girl and swung her around in pure joy. I reached for Sara and gave her a peck on the cheek but the reception for my kiss seemed cold. It left me wondering how the rest of the evening would go.

The back yard is shaded in the evening and we usually have no bugs so we opted to eat on the patio. The temperature had dropped a few degrees and the breezes kept the air moving so it was bearable. We ate dinner and then Gretchen and I played Hide and Seek in our very sparse back yard. Sara had started a few gardens of flowers and vegetables but the heat wasn't helping her and neither was the water ban. It took a lot of pretending on my part to play this game. Both Gretchen and I loved it.

An old shed, from before I lived here, stands at the back of the property. I've never used it for much. I kept the lawnmower and the rake in the garage and Sara has added more tools to the garage. I've always wanted to take the shed down. I noticed that Gretchen kept hiding in there and that some of her toys resided in there and looked like they had for a while. A thought to make it into a playhouse for her came to mind and the more I thought about it the more I liked it.

Sara had come back out with her water and another beer for me and sat at the table. I moved back to join her. Gretchen brought out toys to play in the sandbox with and while she might have liked me to hover she didn't really need me there so I moved back to Sara and the beer she'd brought out for me. "I see Gretchen has taken over the shed. I'd like to make it into a playhouse for her, you know, a place of her own."

Sara smiled at the idea. "Yeah, she'd like that. Take a look at it and see what needs to be done. Let's talk with her and see what she needs. She's not exactly the tea party and doll kind of girl you know."

I laughed at that because I remember the first dolls we bought her were left on the floor when she saw the ride on train Santa had brought her. Matchbox cars and other small cars and trucks were always strewn around her room. Baskets of trains and tracks were brought out every time Uncle Marty came over. No my little girl wasn't about tea parties or anything else girly. I knew that Uncle Sam's expertise would be needed and Uncle Marty wouldn't be left out of this.

The heat began to get to Sara so she excused herself to go inside. I moved over to the sandbox to sit with Gretchen. "Hey Buttercup, I want to ask you something. How'd you like that shed for your toys? I want to fix it up for you. Would you like that?"

Gretchen, being a true three year old, showed her excitement. Her dad had asked if she'd like her own building. What three year old wouldn't get excited? She got out of the sandbox and pulled me over to the shed and it seemed she'd given it some consideration long before me asking. "Daddy, can we make it like the Thomas the Train station? You know like on television?"

I have to be honest I don't know a thing about Thomas the Train except that she loves it. "Sure we can. I'll talk to Uncle Sam and we come up with something, okay?"

She jumped up and down but stopped her jumping suddenly and turned to me with a sad expression. "You can't tell Uncle Marty." She shook her head no.

I knew that Deeks would love to help but something bothered her. "Why can't I tell Uncle Marty?"

Her head kept shaking no. "He doesn't like Thomas the Train. He says trains shouldn't have faces."

I let out a little laugh. "Uncle Marty will help if it's something for you and your trains. We just won't mention Thomas, okay?"

She nodded and let out a big yawn. We ran around and picked up all the toys and then went inside. Gretchen told her mother all about what would happen in the back yard and what she thought the station should look like.

I took mental notes and knew what I had to tell Sam and Deeks.

Sara's eyes twinkled as we put our heads together and hatched our plans. I was relieved to find that it had to be red and yellow just like Thomas's and not pink and I'm just happy that there will be no pink cupcake in my backyard.

Gretchen's more pronounced yawning started and I volunteered to give our daughter her bath. Sara agreed and said she had something else to do. Gretchen and I played in the bath and I'm sure I came out wearing more water than was in the tub but I didn't care. I put her in her nightgown and placed her in her bed. She fell asleep almost as soon as she hit the pillow. I stood in the doorway watching her sleep almost regretting my action of a month ago. For someone who thinks he's a tough guy, I have to admit I am a pushover for that little girl.

I walked down the hallway and another beer waited for me. Sara must have put it there but she was nowhere to be seen. I picked up the beer and moved to my office or my man cave as Sara called it and sat at my desk. The bills were neatly stacked and most were marked paid.

"Afraid I didn't pay the bills?" Sara quipped as she entered the room. I never heard her coming again. She moves very quietly, sometimes.

I had to chuckle. She knew I didn't think she'd messed up. She's been paying our bills every since we'd been married. I never had any before and I didn't do banks. My trust issues played havoc with that idea. "No, I've no worries about that." I guessed this would be the time to discuss where my protective tendencies came from. Hopefully she'd listen. "Sara, can we just talk? There are a few things I need to explain about me and my past, things I haven't shared with you because they still scare me. It might help you understand where I'm coming from."

Sara nodded and sat down across from me to listen.

I took a sip of my beer, put it down and began talking. "When I was four I witnessed my mother being killed. A 'very nice' man gave me a toy soldier while his partner shot her. From that moment on my life became a series of painful memories. Some of which I blocked out. Somehow my sister and I were brought to the United States and placed in an orphanage. We were later split up and placed separately. Until ten years ago I'd forgotten I had a sister: like I said I blocked out some memories and some of them were good memories. I'm sure I've spent time in every orphanage in Los Angeles County. I don't remember much of them. From there I was placed in the foster care system. They were horrid places. Bad homes outnumber good ones 100:1. I know that because most of the ones I'd been place in were terrible. Children are brutalized by their 'loving parents.' People who were supposed to care for us beat us, took our possessions and the money that was supposed to be for our care. I learned distrust from them and it's a hard lesson to unlearn. I learned how to protect myself from beatings that put me in hospital and my younger foster siblings as well. I had two younger foster brothers who I could not save and it still eats at me and I swore no one would do that again. Becoming a Federal Agent came easy because of it. I protect my country and its citizens from people who would harm her and her citizens. It's who I am and I can't change that and further more I don't want to. Can you understand that?"

Sara reached for my hand. "G, when we got married I vowed that our home would be a haven for you to walk away and take a break. Do you remember that? When I married you I promised to care for you and keep you safe and without pain and I meant that. Your life must have been hell but that's in the past. Can we try to move forward from this?"

I nodded yes to all of her questions but still felt ill at ease.

I squeezed her hand in response. I understood where she came from. It would be easy for me to say yes and to think that it would all be over but would it? My head shook. "I'm trying to accept that but we're talking thirty-plus years of protecting and never being protected in return. You and Sam have protected me and in some ways Hetty has too but I still need to think more on this. Can I please have the time to do that?"

Sara blinked back a tear or two. I think she thought I'd say 'Yeah, let's do this' but my stubborn nature still felt I somehow held the cards on this one. "Sure take some time." She looked away from me. "Listen, I'm tired and want to go to bed, would you mind if we called it a night."

And there it was. The wall rebuilt itself between us again. She'd given me my cue to leave. I hugged her and carried what was left of my beer to the kitchen to dump it. I returned to the front door to say good night and walked out to my car.

The ride home made me feel regretful that I couldn't make it right and I blamed myself. I just could have 'fixed it" and went home. Why do I have to be so damn stubborn?


	7. Chapter 7

,Chapter 7

I'd walked into Casey's Bar and signaled to the bartender, who just happens to be Casey, to bring me a beer. The team was a known quantity in his bar. We usually come here for after operations for down time. It is also close to the apartment where Kensi used to live before moving in with Deeks, so it's convenient to all of us. I wasn't meeting anyone. I just wanted a quiet place to have a beer.

Casey himself brought it over and spoke to me with his Irish lilt. "Are you meeting your buddies here tonight?"  
I could listen to his brogue all night. "Nah, I'm just having a beer by myself tonight and then a trip home."

Casey knew that I didn't often come by myself. "Take care of yourself my man. The others would be a might bit lonely without you, you know."

I laughed at the thought and raised my hand. "Only having one tonight and then I'm going home. I promise."

Casey snickered at that thought and wandered through his establishment checking up on the clientele.

I sat with my back to the wall watching the door. I didn't see anyone I knew so I felt a bit at ease and started drinking my beer. Over the rim of my glass I saw two women walk into the bar. One was a tall lovely brunette. Her hair hung down her back in ringlets that would make a man want to touch them. The other was shorter and blonde. I likened her to Nell for her cuteness and if I got the essence right, her sass. Both were nice to look at but my senses told me it was two women out looking for a good time and a bit of trouble.

It seems I wasn't the only one doing the noticing. They picked up drinks at the bar and started onto the floor looking for a table. There were plenty of empty tables but they chose to sit down with me. The brunette sat next to me. It made me a little uncomfortable. "Hey ladies, what's up?" I have to admit I am sort of, out of practice at the bar scene game.

The blonde had sat across the table from me leaving the way open for her friend. "My name is Cara." She pointed across the table at the brunette. "This is my friend Josie. We were looking for someone to have a few laughs with. You looked soooo lonely sitting over here, so we joined you. You don't mind do you?"

I kind of did but sometimes you just need to expand your horizons or, in this case, play the game. "No I don't mind. I'm not staying long. I don't mind sharing the table with you."

Josie's mouth turned into a pout. "We were so hoping you'd stay and keep us company." She reached out and put her hand on my leg.

I looked over to her, looked her in the eyes and slowly removed her hand. "It's a little early for touching don't you think?" I looked up just in time to see Deeks walking through the door. I hadn't expected him but I have to admit that I've never felt so relieved to see anyone as him at that moment. These two were circling for the kill.

He signaled to Casey for his beer and headed to my table. His eyes met mine and in that moment I saw his need to save me kick in. "Hey Greg, what's up? Hello Ladies."

Cara looked like she died and went to heaven. She eyed Deeks up and down like he was meat at the butchers. "Welcome to the party handsome. I'm Cara and this is Josie. What's your name?"

Deeks gave one of his megawatt smiles and looked my way. It was an odd look but I knew it meant his game was on. "My name is Artie and I see you met Greg. We meet up here once a week before we go home."

Casey chose that moment to deliver Deek's beer. The look he gave the girls was quite telling to someone who knew him well. He looked at them like some people would look at a rattlesnake. While he didn't want to chase a paying customer away it looked like he could do without these two. He looked at me and shook his head. Both Deeks and I understood that look and nodded back. My beer was half gone and Deeks had taken his first long slug.

Cara inched her chair closer to Deeks so that she could croon into his ear. "So Artie, are you ready to have some fun?"

I could just tell by Deek's face that he was going to drop some bomb on these two but he wasn't letting me know what it was. I'd just have to be ready to roll with it.

Deeks took the hand that had been travelling up his leg into his hand and looked her straight in the eye. He gave her one of his super smiles and chuckled naughtly. "Are you looking to see the sights?" He met my gaze and still smiling left the decision up to me. "Hey Greg want to go to Venice Beach with these two lovely ladies?"

I really didn't want to go anywhere with either of them. Casey's reaction to both of them left me cold and wary. "No, I'm tired tonight, you know rough day at the office and I just want to go home." I saw the twinkle in Deeks eyes bump up a notch and knew it would be better than good.

Deeks smiled and let Cara's hand go. He reached across the table and took my hand. "Let's do that. I can give you a nice warm massage." He winked as he finished his remark.

It took everything I had to not laugh out loud. "Okay, let's go." We both got up to leave, throwing money for our beers on the table."

Cara's smile turned to a grimace so ugly that it surprised me that I had thought her as pretty as Nell. Josie just huffed, stood up and walked away. Cara couldn't let it go. "Really, you two are together?" She looked back and forth between us to see if we were kidding. She obviously didn't believe us.

Deeks just kept up the act. "Yeah, we got married two months ago." To me he winked again and let out a chuckle. "Let's go home." We moved toward the door and saw Casey bent over laughing behind the bar. He knew both of us better and loved how we'd handled the two girls.

I felt myself being pulled into a hug and I put my arm around him. We had to keep up the appearances. Deeks leaned over and kissed the top of my head.

I didn't flinch but it did surprise me. "Deeks, did you just kiss me?"

Deeks laughed and looked back at the two carnivores we'd just escaped from. "Yeah I did and I just saved your ass. We do need to keep up the show for those two bitches don't we?"

We were outside the bar now and we'd let go of each other. His remark about saving my ass needed to be answered. "You saved my ass? Really? I didn't need my ass to be saved. I could have trotted out the 'I'm married' and walked out of there."

Deeks gave me one of my own smirks back. "That wasn't what I saw when I came in. You had that 'thank god the cavalry had arrived' look on your face. So, yes, your ass needed saving. I jumped in, did it and you're welcome."

While I understood the need and actually thought it amusing, I needed him to know that he couldn't do that to his boss willy-nilly. "Well thank you for coming to my rescue, but Deeks… don't ever kiss me again."


	8. Chapter 8

Calling a Truce

Chapter 8

Saturday morning arrived glorious; sunny without a cloud in the sky. The temperature was a little on the high side but warm is one of the reasons we Angelenos live here.

It turns out that Sara and Gretchen were going to be in San Diego today. They'd get home tonight with Michelle and Kamron. Kensi and Nell had flown down last night to meet them. We boys had the day all to ourselves to accomplish our mission. Eric chose today to do computer cleansing so he'd join us later in the day.

I'd stopped the night before for several cans of paint for the shed; two fire engine red for the building and one of a light yellow for the trim. Even though it wouldn't be a cupcake in the back yard it would be bright and my sunshine would love it!

I got to the house at seven and began coffee and laid out the pastries that Sara had left as well as the pitcher of water and the sliced lemons. She knew it would be hot today.

When I broached the subject of a train station Deek's eyes had lit up. He went quiet, thinking and then began drawing. By the time we got called for a case that morning his plans were completely drawn. He was like a little kid about trains. Kensi said he stopped at the hardware store, bought the lumber and paint. When they got home he wolfed down dinner and locked himself in the garage for a couple of hours.

Sam said he only called once all week for quidance.

Sam arrived fifteen minutes after I did, grabbed a coffee and went out back to lay out his tools and begin his measurements. The smaller window needed to be replaced with a larger one that would be the ticket window. Later he'd cut the door into a Dutch door to let in more light and air. This afternoon he'd put the shelves in to keep the toys off the floor. I was sure Gretchen would love it.

Deeks arrived next carrying his almost completed sign, the post for it and his double soy latte. We ragged on him for a minute or two for his choice of beverage.

The work moved along quickly with Sam directing every step of the way. I've been learning to work with tools and so has Deeks but we're a long way from Sam's expertise.

Around noon we ate lunch and finished all the small details before painting began. Deeks had already dug the hole for his train crossing so he mixed the cement and we held it in place while he poured.

When all was completed we sat back and awaited our ladies return. Eric called saying the computer problems were taking longer than expected and that he'd not be making it. We let it be known that he could still come by later for burgers and hot dogs. He mumbled something and hung up.

At four we broke out the celebratory cocktails and began talking and of course the conversation turned to Sara and me.

Sam took a swallow of his beer, looked to Deeks and then back to me. I knew what was coming. "G, when are you going to come home? Both you and Sara need each other, Gretchen is missing you and no matter how you fix this shed, bring flowers and pizzas, it's not going to change any of your needs or desires. Really talk to her, tell her about your feelings and how your past made you who you are. She'll understand that."

I didn't have the heart to tell them that I'd already tried that. I think Sara understood but I'd been the stubborn fool and blown it.

Deeks spoke next. "Wouldn't you feel better being here with them? I agree with Sam, talk with her. Let your guard down. Sara is the one you should be able to do that with, don't you think? You were able to talk with me a week or so ago and believe me I appreciate what you said but tell her and make sure you listen to her. It's getting to be harder to do that isn't it? Don't get stuck in your own mindset."

I nodded in acceptance of all they'd said. I knew it was true. I just didn't know how to respond to them. As it turned out I didn't have to. The ladies arrived all talk turned to their trip and the parcels they'd brought in with them.

It took Gretchen all of three seconds to spot her train station and Uncle Sam and Uncle Marty showed her around. I told her I'd help her put all her trains and trucks in when the paint was dry.

Nell asked about Eric and we told her he sends his apologies. She packed her stuff and left for the office to help him.

Deeks and Kensi helped Sara get ready for dinner and Sam and I got the grill ready.

As far as subtle, Sam and Michelle were anything but. They thought I didn't see them and their silent conversation, but I did. I'm going to have to talk to Sam about it.

The next thing I know Michelle had me by the arm dragging me to the bench. I girded my loins for this battle. She's one tough cookie. "G Callen, how long is this going to go on? Your wife wants you back home, so do it. What is it that's keeping you from doing that? Is it your damn male pride? Oh and before you give me that look, I've seen it on my husband's face a hundred times. If it ain't my idea it ain't going to happen. Fix this and come home." On that note she got up and went inside. Like I said she's a force to be reckoned with.

Sam just laughed. "See what I have to put up with on a daily basis?"

I smirked back. "Glad it's you. Don't sic her on me again, please. Sara and I are talking it's just taking longer than we both expected. Bear with us, okay?"

He nodded and Deeks came out with the meats and rolls for the grill and we began cooking. Potato salad, condiments, lettuce, tomatoes and pickles came out with Kensi and Kamron, who put them on the table and then we all gathered round and the eating commenced.

Conversation revolved around the San Diego trip and how much fun they all had. It felt good to see Sara smiling and laughing with Michelle and Kensi. Kamron and Gretchen played on the swing. Kamron is a few years older and takes good care of Uncle G's little girl. She is a sweetheart.

After a while the couples began to peel off and head for home leaving Sara, Gretchen and I. Gretchen fell asleep in my lap and both Sara and I agreed to forgo her bath.

While she tucked Gretchen in for the evening I poured myself a beer and waited for her in the kitchen.

When she reappeared she wore a look of resignation, anger and just plain exhaustion. The weekend had taken it out of her. "What do you want G? I have things to do and am bushed." Her tone wasn't what I'd expected.

I gazed into her eyes and hoped that she'd see it was time for a good talking, one that might bring us back together. "I want to help you. I want us to return to where we were. How can I do that?"

Her tone wasn't the only thing hostile. Her eyes grew green with fury. "You walked out of here a month and a half ago and now you want to know what it is that you can do to help?" She let out a long painful sigh. "Why did it take so long?" She took a moment to gather her thoughts. "Do you remember who you married? That capable woman who carried your child beneath her heart never once believing you'd leave her or that you were dead? Do you remember her killing a Comescu henchman in cold blood in her living room? She'd have killed Anton Comsecu as well but she didn't have a bullet for him. That's the woman you married not some shrinking violet who needs to be protected." She shook her head and turned her back on me. "I'm tired of rehearsing for whatever so go back to the boatshed and leave me alone."

All of this had caught me off guard. What did she mean by 'rehearsing'. "Rehearsing for what?"

She turned, looked me dead in the eye and kind of laughed a small laugh. "A divorce."

She'd managed to shock me with that sentence. "A divorce? I don't want a divorce. I want you, Gretchen and the new baby. I just need a little more time. Can I just have a few more days?"

Her laugh grew to be a sneer and her tone more mocking. "Sure, take all the time you need. I'll just keep being both mother and father to our daughter. I'll keep up the house and yard. Don't worry about anything just go back to the boatshed and think. That's all you need to do."

She rose and went out back to finish tidying up.

I asked if she needed my help. I got no response. I said good night to her, went in and checked on Gretchen and let myself out the front door feeling like I'd just lost my world.

As I drove I knew I should go home, but I didn't.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I sat at the bar in O'Malley's Place with a scotch in front of me. It was just one of several that I thought I'd have before I left and went back to the boatshed. I looked into the mirror and back out onto the floor of the pub. O'Malley's is your every day Irish Pub. It is loud and boisterous or quiet and serene, but here's the thing, you can be alone here as well. There is always something going on but if you seem like you want to be left out, you will be. Like I said, alone, and that is just what me and my mood wanted tonight.

Earlier I'd spent the evening with my wife, daughter and the rest of my family and it left me emotionally drained. I had wanted to go home to them but my pigheaded behavior made that difficult and because of that Sara pulled away emotionally so I never knew where I stood with her. Michelle Hanna says the way is clear to go home but it never seems that way. I'd play with Gretchen and Sara would go do laundry, clean the bathroom, tidy up toys or anything else to not be in the same room with me.

I picked up my glass to take a sip and felt a presence at my left shoulder. I didn't even look up, I didn't have to. I knew who was there and because of that my tone grew cold and surly. "What do you want Deeks?" I made sure he knew my displeasure with being harassed by him once again.

Deeks gave me a smile but his heart wasn't in it. I had the impression he'd rather not be here. "Where's your beer?" He moved in and picked up my glass to smell it. "Isn't scotch for a reward or a celebration? How many is that two or three?" It irritated me that he would touch my drink but made no move to stop him, I just got quieter. When I wouldn't answer he looked to Frank, the bartender, and Frank shook his head no. Deeks pulled back his jacket showing his shield. "Frankie…. how many?" The bartender mumbled an expletive under his breath and then motioned with three fingers. "Thanks Frankie." He turned back to me. "So.. three it is." Deeks bit his bottom lip, leaned against the bar and glanced around the room. He looked like something he had to say didn't taste good in his mouth so he decided to spit it out.

This bar was the place where we came to celebrate after tough missions or personal victories but he knew I wasn't celebrating any of those. I was battling personal demons and I knew that Deeks wanted to help me. He always found me and shamed me into going back to the boatshed; but he wouldn't tonight. I felt particularly down tonight and didn't want to give in so easily. My visit with my family tonight seemed so final to me and I didn't want it to be. I needed them back. I just didn't know how to go about that any more.

Deeks turned around and sat on the next barstool and waved the bartender on. He kept his eyes in the mirror behind the bar but they met mine. "This is _not_ the way to solve your problems. I found that out the hard way." He'd put a lot of emphasis on the word not. It resonated with pain, but not just my pain, it felt like his as well.

I was in no mood for his diatribe on the use of alcohol to dull my pain. I'd heard it before from him. I looked ahead at the bottles behind the bar. I understood what Marty was trying to do but I needed to blunt my pain and this way seemed the easiest. I turned to him and snarled. Most people know that when I snarl you leave me the hell alone; but not him. When he didn't flinch I laid into him. "How so, Deeks? When did you last put your family in harm's way and didn't know how to fix it? When?... When did you go home and find a bomb in your kitchen, huh?" I shook my head and turned my body and my gaze away from the mirror and onto the dance floor. "Why do you give a damn? Just go home and leave me the hell alone?"

Deeks smiled a sad, sad smile. "Believe it or not I went through just what you're doing now. I tried to drink my pain and sorrow away. Right after Hetty and Granger sent Kensi to Afghanistan I began having trouble sleeping. I couldn't call her and talk us to sleep like I used to. I felt alone with no one to help me. After a while a bar seemed a great place. I would go to Casey's around the corner from Kensi's place and have a few. I never realized how alone you can feel with so many people around you. Casey shut me off a few nights and I had to call someone to come get me. They picked me up at the bar several times, drove me home and put me to bed. She'd pick me up again in the morning to take me back for my car. Finally, she'd had enough. She waited for me to sober up and laid into me."

I saw him think long and hard about what he needed to say. "I didn't put my family at risk and neither did you. Our jobs are dangerous and we work for a person who crosses the boundaries between our private lives and our professional ones every damn day. That makes our jobs even more dangerous. Let's solve your problem," He reached for my glass and took it from me. "not drown it. There is no help in a bottle and you should know that by now. It's been almost two months and you _need_ to go home. Sara needs you and you need her. Let's go." He met my eyes and smiled.

I chuckled at the audacity of the young detective. Even Sam wouldn't have dared to cross the line between work and my personal life, but here Deeks sat, not as a co-worker, but as my brother. I wondered why and I have to admit that I was a bit sarcastic and uncivil with him. I gave him my 'I'm pissed with you look' and again not so much as a hiccup from him. He just marched on. Again I gave him the sarcastic approach. "So did you draw the short straw, you know, to talk to me? Why exactly are you doing this and if you're doing this on your own, how friggin dare you?"

Deeks smiled and this time his smile met his eyes. "No one put me up to it. Sara called and talked with Kensi. I overheard it and Kensi and I decided you needed the help. I dared to do this to help a friend through a hard time. You're in pain and drinking to oblivion is not helping you nor will it ever. I learned that from a small, tough, but wise little ginger haired woman. She threatened to kick my ass and I do believe she'd have done it. Do I need to sic her on you?"

I started to laugh at the thought and for the first time in two months it felt good. Leave it to Marty to make me laugh. "No, don't sic her on me. She's like a young Hetty and I really don't need that right now."

Deeks enjoyed the sound of my laughter. He later told me that there had been lightness to it that he hadn't heard from me in a long time and that it gave him hope. "Come on, pay your tab and I'll drive you home. Kensi will pick me up later at the boatshed."

I turned to look at Deeks and for the first time I truly saw how damaged he was. It was equal to my level of pain and I appreciated that in him. He'd found his way back with help from people like Nell. Now I would do it with help from him. I threw some cash on the bar. "Hey Deeks, thanks. I think I needed that. Now, would you please take me home?" I still was having a hard time thinking that Nell could take him. "So,… Nell would have kicked your ass?"

Deeks laughed his low rumbly laugh. "Don't discount it my friend. She took down Sam the other day."

Both of us left the bar laughing at that mental image.

Deeks drove me back to the boatshed in my car. He came inside and waited until Kensi came to get him. She arrived at the boat shed a short time after we did. She raced inside to make sure that I was in one piece and then dragged Deeks out of there and back home.

After the two of them left I walked out to the end of the pier behind the boatshed to get a look at the night sky. Not a soul in the office would ever figure me for an outdoorsy kind of guy but I really love it. I've loved it even more since I met Sara. She loves camping and star-gazing and because of her I've learned a few things about the cosmos. The number one thing I learned is that I like star-gazing a whole lot more with her than without her.

I could see a few stars but a haze of clouds covered the sky. Los Angeles is not one of the better places for stars due to the light pollution but it still makes me feel small and inconsequential. When Sara and I want to see stars we pack up and head for Death Valley. It is beautiful in a very surreal way. The mountains and vistas make you feel alive but wary of what life offers. In a way that is what I felt tonight. I began to wonder how to get past my pigheadedness and make amends to my wife. I still feel that I should have been told but I miss them so much and I'm yet again missing the pregnancy of this new baby.

While out viewing the night sky I thought about what Deeks had said to me. He hit the nail on the head when he told to me to solve the problem not drown it. I needed to resolve my feelings so I vowed on all the stars in the heavens that night that I would straighten myself out, no more drinking, find a way to get back home and make this up to Sara. I admitted to myself that I'd been an ass.

I made my way inside, set up the coffee pot for the morning and went to bed. For the first time in two months I slept a sound sleep and woke up refreshed and invigorated to finally get on with our lives.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

It has been almost a week since Marty Deeks found me in O'Malley's bar, shamed me, took me home and I'd been sober since that night. It felt so good and I began feeling hopeful that today would be the first day of the rest of my life but more than that it would be great if I decided to open up the lines of communication with Sara. I sent two dozen red roses to her with a note which asked her to put her prettiest dress on and go to dinner with me. Sam and Michelle offered to babysit so that we could go and I took them up on their offer. I called a new restaurant, Montmarte, to make reservations and we were set to go.

Hetty helped me get ready with a little help from the wardrobe department. She found me a cobalt blue shirt that Sam said in his 'mom' voice "brings out the blue in my eyes" and Hetty also leant me a jacket to wear along with what she considers my sexiest jeans. Ok, that comment made me wince when she said it. I mean one doesn't want their boss to think of them that way, but again…I needed all the help I could get at that moment so I swallowed my pride and went with it.

I admit that as the appointed time approached my stomach began to do flip flops and huge butterflies took up residence. Let me tell you my first date with Sara had nothing on this. My stomach lurched again and I broke out in a cold sweat. Sam thought he would need to call a paramedic at one point. I had to dissuade him of that notion. "Sam, I'm fine, go home." He started laughing and left. I knew he'd think about this all night long and laugh every time. I hoped that he'd leave me alone for the night so I could make a little head ways with my wife.

I drove to my house and walked up the front walk. I'd never been so nervous about anything in my life.

I let myself in the front door and met Sara as she waited. She paced so I'm pretty sure she thought I'd chickened out. I'd have to admit that she did look radiant in the peach dress she chose to wear. I didn't remember it so I assumed she went shopping. That gave me the impression and the hope that she wanted to make this work as much as I did.

I thought that Monmarte would be a busy place but when I'd made the reservation I'd asked for a table that might be a bit secluded. I needed her to hear what I had to say and I wanted to hear from her as well. I knew we'd take it slowly but we needed to move slowly to be on our way back to each other.

Monmarte is the newest restaurant to open on Wilshire Boulevard. When I called I just happened to fall into one of the only reservations left for that evening. We pulled up and handed off the Aston to the parking valet. Sara and I walked into the foyer and looked about the restaurant. The décor of black, white, lots of glass and chrome gave me an icy feel and made my feeling of accomplishing anything positive falter. The other half of me knew that answer was one I couldn't accept. I'd seen the hopeful look on my wife's face when I came through the door and I needed to make it happen.

The maitre-d showed us to our table and asked for our drink order. Sara ordered a seltzer and lemon and I seconded it. It seemed that my choice surprised Sara. "G, you can have a drink."

I shook my head and I felt a bit ashamed as I told Sara what had transpired in the last week. "No, no I can't. It's been brought to my attention that I've spent too much time drinking to ease my pain and in essence to make my decision more palatable, even to myself. Deeks pointed out that it had become more of a problem and that I should stop it. It's been a week since my last drink and I intend to keep it that way. I'll drink seltzer and lemon with you,"

Our waitress bought our drinks to us and took our orders of filet mignon, baked potatoes and asparagus and left us to talk. I will admit it was hard getting started. Sara sat across from me looking ravishing, boggling my mind but I took it as a sign to speak. "I want to apologize for this mess. I'm used to being the protector, it's what I do every day." I gave Sara a warm gaze and she accepted it. It gave me encouragement to continue. "Before I met you I never imagined my life to be this good. I lived my life as a lone wolf, no girl friends or very few, there'd never be children, but here we are and I wouldn't change it for the world. I love you, Gretchen and our new little one, but I will always protect you." I took a moment to consider my next words. They had the potential to sound patronizing and I didn't mean them that way. "You were right though, I'd forgotten who I married. You are that very capable woman, a woman who is tough, smart and only that kind of woman would attract me and keep me. I can't imagine my life without you." I took her hand in mine.

Sara smiled at my comments and squeezed my hand. "I'm sorry if this created problems for you but you need to sit in my seat for a while. Every time you go undercover I am left feeling a terrible dread that Hetty will show up at the door with bad news and giving her condolences. I become tougher with every operation that you undertake. It isn't something that I want to do but I have to do, not only for myself but for our children." She smiled up at me. "My life wasn't all peaches and cream either; I buried my first husband after a hit and run. I lived with the idea that you may be dead or just didn't care to come back and find me, but I did it. I get it that you want to do it the old fashioned way, I really do, but I'd rather we do it together, okay?" She smiled and squeezed my hand again.

I will admit that the conversation hadn't turned out as bad as I thought it would be. I knew it wasn't over but we'd made a good start.

Our dinners arrived and smelled wonderful. The bleu cheese and caramelized onion on the top of the filets gave a nice touch and an excellent taste. The potatoes were baked, not steamed, with generous dollops of butter and sour cream and the asparagus was cooked but not mushy. They were still crisp and bright green. All in all, it painted a lovely picture on our plates. The whole meal including the company excelled.

No one rushed us through our dinner so we spent more time talking about Gretchen going to preschool and the arrival of the new baby. I have to admit it excited me to think about that arrival. We ordered two crème brûle, another seltzer and lemon and continued our conversation until Sara began to yawn. "Let's get you home. Do we need to get Gretchen?"

Sara shook her head no.

We drove home in near silence and I wondered what my wife's thoughts were. I walked her in and had another drink of water and lemon but Sara began yawning again and her eyes were slamming shut.

I said my good nights and rose to leave.

Sara's eyes opened wide. "G, please don't leave, stay." Her voice was low and soft.

The idea tempted me but I didn't want to confuse the issue with my staying. The situation was not exactly fixed. "Is this what you really want?"

She smiled through her exhaustion and a little bit of embarrassment. "I miss you holding me. Please stay. This is your house, you should be here and Gretchen would like to have her daddy back home."

I nodded to her. "I do have to go into the office tomorrow for a while but I'll stay."

I reached out for her and she came into my arms and we held on to each other. The feeling that overcame me was the feeling of being home and it felt good.

We shut the lights down and went to bed.

I'd really come home again.

A/N: Thank you to all that have read, reviewed and shared your likes and dislikes about this story. I appreciate all of your honesty. Unfortunately writers need to share what their characters have to say and Callen wouldn't stop talking about this. He's been talking to me about this for three years. I finally had the time to listen.

Thanks again,

BlackBear53


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